New post 2
I am utterly debilitated. By anxiety, by misophonia, by the slew of problems tied into these. By where I live. By my distance from those I love.
Some days, I want to cut myself off from everything. Death is an option too rude and too traumatizing to others. But nothing would be accomplished. I just hate that I live this life. I hate that I'm trapped by my own lack of funds. I feel like a ruined, rotten fruit. Perhaps potential was there at one point, but now...?
Now, who knows. There is too much wrong with me, and I can't land a job I can actually work when considering my disability. Ha. Ha. How lovely it must be to exist without this.
I just have to pray I can get through this. I have to pray something turns out well. I have to pray, because there is nothing else I can do.