Reversal š«
Apparently I'm not in the logbook. It doesn't matter, since my signoff is recognized by the others anyway, so I'll go ahead and post here.
I'm trying to lead change. Trying. Trying to put forward a positive mindset, repeating that we are normal and do not have any issues with sound. There cannot be any issues with sound. They are just sounds, they cannot hurt us, there is no need for alarm.
The repulsion is so deeply ingrained, but I'm able to repeat it enough to watch and listen to clips. There's a scene of someone chewing cereal extensively in Twin Peaks. I sat through it repeating that it is normal, there's nothing off here, it's just sound - and it did not hurt as much. We would normally have to turn the volume to 0.
I have to believe that a disorder can be reorganized into normalcy. I have to believe that the brain can flip a switch and accept triggers as simple, ambient existence. Because it is - any alarm is false, unnecessary, providing nothing to my survival.
I want to go to class. I want to participate. I want to carry out a PhD. The only way to make it through is to hear the sounds and accept them. This is the only possibility. There is no other route that could happen at all.